Sometimes i dont know whether to feel angry or hurt. Over the past few months ive learnt tht i have come not to favour a few people. Some fat, some girls and some really mind manipulators. Its funny how much the influence of words can take over you and it is worst when u let it happen. Friends for example i get shit loads of 'things i have to do' but ofcourse they say it but sometimes u have to think to how far or why do u want to do it and for wht reason or purpose. So in the end maybe u just do something tht only some of your friends tell you to do. At this point ive only learn to trust a few people. some say im too nice somesay i trust easily.

do u think im REALLLY tht easily influenced. i mean come on. i deal with people on a daily basis, actually on a minute basis, i deal with people tht has issues witht heir careers and especialyl those seeking a job. i get to meet, learn and identify alot of people. from then on i learn about them. i learn about people. i get to see their progression and the people they are outside of work. it all concludes. the best thing is at times i can percieve people, not judge them but percieve them. coming back, im able to tell wht a person is by just talking to them sometimes mannerism and body language. ive only been wrong about people minimally, tht i can say. also funny how alota people think im much older than i am. i guess is the amount of experience tht i have gained here and the wayi bring myself about. i mean some people in the office says im too straightforward and some say too nice and some say too lansee. haha...

i dont know wht exactly im rambling about. its just funny tht, how someone can be influence so much by another person and worst not knowing who and wht the other person is. i mean i wont listen to people tht has a bad reputation around, not bad but u know a reputation tht people speaks off and KNOW off. tht i have my barrier. but ofcourse we are blinded by those facts, but if u only look deeper, wht has it done for you. for me it has spoilt my credibility but my integrity still stays in place. the friends i have is influential. so sometimes listening to them is not a bad thing. but i dont know im just dissappointed really dissapointed on why people choose to listen to people tht really isnt worth listening too. i mean look deeper sometimes. it doesnt hurt to look deeper and hear wht others have said and absorb tht most importantly.

hwne i was having my downtime irregardless im very lucky enough to have listened to myself and soe other people tht could actually see wht was happening.sometimes not saying anythign at all and being spotted for it makes a difference. thts why i try to be there formost peopel these days..and sometimes i wish i had real proper friends tht could have given my the advice then i wanted too. look now, influence overtook wants. i sure hope the person tht i truely love doesnt make a mistake.....

it really sucks when everyone and everything around you has to enveloped you in the thoughts of all of her. i know. i do not know how to convey somethings to some people. i do not know how to tell people tht i love someone so much. and i do not know how to live with it....

so how..time? change....guess i have to change...

another bite......

i believe im not the person i thought i am. i belive im not the person tht many people thought i am. im at times lost but may percieve strong and agressive. i don know.

i have been hanging out with a person whoim ive know for many many years. seems like we have been and going throught the same brush of life, except tht i made a mistake and she has chosen to take a risk tht has ended up hurting her. i now percieve life and journey as a endless trail of bread we leave everywhere, at times hard to tear. u never know wht kinda footstep u made until u have falled down and looked back. two roads diverged which road to choose. whether or not wise or unwise, it was a decsion. a decision without much thought, not much thought but wihout a positive mental atitude.

sometimes we get taken aback. sometimes we get lost. sometimes we let go of the things tht is best to us. why? is it a living fact of life? if it is, then i just should lasy back and be content of wht i have. ive been brought up in such a way tht it has be be important to be at the top and be the one tht stands out. i guessis not as easy as i thought it would be. made soe deal here and thre, where has it dgone too. money vapour through wht we think may be a liquidity of more deals. we're wrong, is more than just face, its work, work and more work. atleast u need to enjoy wht u want to do first before anythin else, and be proud of it!

i hate myself for making such decisions for aloowing myself to get lost. it hurts. till the point tht it eat you up at the most awkward of moments. it really sucks. it will suck most to see the one u love love someone els,e because she is able to sweep anyoone of their feet. she is able to love and care. she is able to envelope you in  a love so pure, kind and sincere. i guess i overlooked tht. i guess im been eaten slwly inside. i guess im a looser tht cant accept wht he has become. i guess she has understood tht the person i have become is soooo unsincere, unpredictable, unappreciave and worst useless.

i dont understand wht i have become inside. altho i might have certainly sorted out wht i needed to do already but i still have not orted out wht i neeed above all else, thts because of wht i have done..i have both destroyed my and the persons life tht i love most. the guilt and the ambiguity, i cannnot accept...ive been a person tht has always help another to become the better due to the nature of my job nd myself but now....ive made both people me and her be at worst.....thanks...

it was a mistake meant to be made or was it a dumb mistake after all? We both hurt. We both need to find ourselves. We both suffered. And we both are suffering. Is this love, does love make us feel this way? is it because of the things ive done or the things thts meant to be. i dont know how im gonna pull through this face. ITs soemthing i must live with everyday for how long i dont know.

it was a time when i just needed to think for a while and then i might have said things i didnt mean. now it has become a living suffering, a hurt through pain of a thousand needles poking you.

its alwasy too late, i hate myself for makign things the way it is, shy to look in the mirror now...altho i kknow i can change, but its no use, its too late. too late...

resemblance..

the reason......seemingly like me...

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you