i believe im not the person i thought i am. i belive im not the person tht many people thought i am. im at times lost but may percieve strong and agressive. i don know.

i have been hanging out with a person whoim ive know for many many years. seems like we have been and going throught the same brush of life, except tht i made a mistake and she has chosen to take a risk tht has ended up hurting her. i now percieve life and journey as a endless trail of bread we leave everywhere, at times hard to tear. u never know wht kinda footstep u made until u have falled down and looked back. two roads diverged which road to choose. whether or not wise or unwise, it was a decsion. a decision without much thought, not much thought but wihout a positive mental atitude.

sometimes we get taken aback. sometimes we get lost. sometimes we let go of the things tht is best to us. why? is it a living fact of life? if it is, then i just should lasy back and be content of wht i have. ive been brought up in such a way tht it has be be important to be at the top and be the one tht stands out. i guessis not as easy as i thought it would be. made soe deal here and thre, where has it dgone too. money vapour through wht we think may be a liquidity of more deals. we're wrong, is more than just face, its work, work and more work. atleast u need to enjoy wht u want to do first before anythin else, and be proud of it!

i hate myself for making such decisions for aloowing myself to get lost. it hurts. till the point tht it eat you up at the most awkward of moments. it really sucks. it will suck most to see the one u love love someone els,e because she is able to sweep anyoone of their feet. she is able to love and care. she is able to envelope you in  a love so pure, kind and sincere. i guess i overlooked tht. i guess im been eaten slwly inside. i guess im a looser tht cant accept wht he has become. i guess she has understood tht the person i have become is soooo unsincere, unpredictable, unappreciave and worst useless.

i dont understand wht i have become inside. altho i might have certainly sorted out wht i needed to do already but i still have not orted out wht i neeed above all else, thts because of wht i have done..i have both destroyed my and the persons life tht i love most. the guilt and the ambiguity, i cannnot accept...ive been a person tht has always help another to become the better due to the nature of my job nd myself but now....ive made both people me and her be at worst.....thanks...