is it real..

i dont know whts real or not. People tell me things then it may seem something else? and im back to square one..

i heard some disturbing news of my friend who tried to fuck my back. it seems after wht has happen he to tried to put his foot in. It was quite obvious....hmm..oh well..

REAL...is feelings real, is wht people tell you real, is it wht it may seeem. Are living in a sitcom of our own? living life like its a movie tale. sometimes in a the real world we might need to cut ourselves knowing tht its pain and knowing tht such things exist. Which separates wht we feel from wht we think or wht it may seeem.

the reality is like when you squint your eyes and your two eyebrows meet and wen you look up and think, about wht is in your head. To me thts not reality, tht is a mere thought. Thoughts if you dont control can possbly eat you. Is our thoughts reality or is it our own version of our television series of our lives..

Wounds heal, scars remains, thoughts and memories prevail, time is cruel....

Wht is real, us?

We are real.......took me about 6 months to realise tht. now two months to recover from it, i wonder how long more...

People and the world might not seem as it is. We have to stare it in the eye and take wht we want....wht we need and how are we to get it....Aggressive, dangerous and head on, thts how im gonna take it....

Im hurt, i dont know why....i step out of the movie and heading in to reality....little by little...ill be there...il be back!

Im hurt and angry about the things i have done....and i did....

morning view...

voices are now tellin me not to give up. alota people dont know me too well. i dont really give up tht THT easy\ily..apparently i shouldnt. And i will now, but im lost of direction. I dont know wher to start. i sometimes feel tht im looking at the sky staring back at me looking down on me, bringing the world on my shoulders..its up to me to make wht happens out of it.

wht should i do. i know im in control but the situation has to be turned around..im trying to step in th shoes of the one ive let go, its now a reverse cycle. when i was there she was there too. now im here and shes there. how do i go about changing it. they say time, they say dont give up, they say work on it. im alone, i cant tell a green field from a cold steel rail.

i hve loved like ive never loved before. here am i presevering and living up to tht statement. how i wish you were here, we were just two lost people swimming in a fish bowl.

allow me one chance ill give you the world, thts if i can, if u will......

Why sulk, im learning......

Been waking up with headaches this whole weeek....i just got hit again, boy my dreams were so fucktup last nite..

Day by day thoughts come and go, and when it comes its like forever. u feel like shit, u cant concerntrate on anything at all...

Its beeen about two months..funny how i still feel this way. Im still persevering...Ive always knew tht i will not let go of her, i didnt know how she did, after all tht was said and done, its funny how IM still waiting here....

sigh...

uh oh, slightly sleepy today, but not hungover. A night of chilled jazz and good company did the trick.

No one can go back and make a brand new start but everyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. One should be given a chance no matter how bad a situation can be no matter how hurt. Im just taking it from my parents kinda view, on how much they have suffered and presevere for us. oh well. In some situations its hard to consider given such hurt and pain. But sometimes on the bright side, some learn through mistakes some learn through regrets...as God always forgives we should learn how to appreciate...

Today i wanna feel slightly bettter. I've never been so appreciated before. In terms of work. My Trainees just graduated and we presented them with certificatres and stuff. They really did a good job on making a video for us. Alot of people were invited, MD, senior managers and stuff. Alot of the trainees express their appreciation and their thankfullness to both me and my manager, i quite felt good, never knew how mch my small help can impact them. I guess its because stepping in to their firsts steps of employment, i guided them both intrinsically and extrinsically. Ddint know my two cents worth did justice. But it was good, in everyones presence, i felt goood.....hehe..

And trust me, at times they did give me loadsa headachse...but sometimes i might have lost a little bit of patience, but thts life..

Apparently im quite the lansi boy in the office man! WHTS up with tht? bugggerrr...suddenly only...

the morning hours...

Its as though im documenting everything here....this sucks...the whole morning, it was again, time and time again.

Am not sure if its wht ive done or wht i did, but its sure is wht i can do...

at this time im able to do many things tht i was blinded by, but i wonder how come everything always happens this way.

Its been two months......its been almost three years....

How to let it go when its too late?

some ask me to think of wht ive got after these two years.....i dont know...a fucking hard time.....